There have been numerous situations in my life in which my own sufferings or traumas have brought me to a deeper understanding of others’ suffering. For instance, my own abuse at the hands of my mother had quite an effect on my ministry several years ago as a teen support group leader at a spouse abuse shelter. I have been blessed that most of the negative events in my life have not caused me to be bitter or angry. It has been a gift that the echo of any grief I have experienced in life has played in my heart as a balm to soothe my soul.

I read a quote by Nadia Bolz-Weber that made me contemplate something that I have believed for many years – that forgiveness does not indicate that one condones evil acts but rather, that it frees the wronged person from being “chained to resentment” and allows light to shine on the darkness of the situation. Forgiveness, as the quote expresses, keeps one from being “controlled by the past.” Forgiveness is also a stress-reliever and a time-saver. There is no time or energy wasted on rehashing old pain when forgiveness reigns.

Forgiveness is also not necessarily something that is “deserved” by the perpetrator of the suffering. An old story illustrates this: A ruler was going to execute one of his subjects and the mother of the condemned asked the ruler to have mercy on her son. The ruler said, “He doesn’t deserve mercy.” The mother replied, “If he deserved it, it wouldn’t be mercy.”

In addition, showing mercy is really for the one doing the forgiving rather than for the person being forgiven. There are many examples of people forgiving another person only to have their offer of forgiveness rebuffed. It is more important to forgive than to have that forgiveness be accepted or even acknowledged. It means that the person who has truly forgiven has come to peace about the situation regardless of whether or not it changes the person being forgiven. Whatever the situation, working through pain and suffering by forgiving others is so much more healing than resentment – a response which only perpetuates more pain and suffering.

Lisa Erazmus

Photo: Nick Fewings-Unsplash