I have a fair amount of thoughts about the idea of moving through pain to get to what’s next in terms of what the particular journey is, and to not only move forward, but to be altered by the suffering. In some instances, pain has the potential to break a person, but can also create strength and sensitivity. At other times, transformation arises out of grief, creating a deep resonance and finding that sound existing within one’s own being. Finally, standing in the power of breaking free of holding resentments; shifting the confines of the binding weight of being harmed into an experience of releasing the attachment to it, and finding that experience to be of light. All these examples speak to me in how instrumental it has been to move through some of the difficult times of my life in a manner of seeking, even if that realization came later, and certainly after a period of hanging onto the last scraps of anger and bitterness assigned to various moments. I have seen how some experiences helped to shape parts of my ministry, or openness to God, and how some of my reactions have grown these sticky, pointy places on my spirit, kind of like unholy barnacles, when I don’t let go, move on, or forgive. I laugh about my cultivated skill in holding resentments at times, not because it’s so funny, but because I just KNOW I’m doing it, KNOW it’s unhelpful, KNOW it crimps my spirit, and I still resist the opportunity to let slide the ‘how dare they’ moments. The part I find hilarious is the out of body view I tend to get while witnessing myself react at these moments—maybe it’s the Spirit opening the way for me to see the signs and change direction in time—but there are a few things I have yet to relinquish hold on, and while they are not necessarily of the level of a total spiritual train wreck, I am aware that they add up and do not contribute to living an abundant life. I do feel very blessed in so many aspects of my life, and am grateful for so much, and while I know that staying stuck in some of this affects growth, I am also aware that it’s a process and practice, more than a one-time fix—at least for me.

Jan Dahm

Photo: Gaelle Marcel-Unsplash